“I’on like German food.”
“It’s too cold in here.”
“Why she calling me ghetto? I ain’t ghetto.”
Patricia (aka Puddles) rolled her eyes. Why is this chick always complaining about something? If it’s not the copier, it’s the coffee, that she doesn’t drink, or the snacks, or the elevator, or the security system, she gets on my nerves. Puddles stood there and looked without uttering a word until..
“Ole bitch” she said.
“Who are you calling a bitch” Puddles growled.
“I didn’t say bitch, what are you talking about?” she zipped back at Puddles.
Puddles took a very deep breath before walking into the other room. She thought, see, it’s this type of nonsense that makes people go postal. It’s this type of antagonistic drama that makes me want to scratch her eyes out and snatch her ratty wig off. That woman is one crazy loon. Who knew someone could be so damned disconnected? What type of MF’er can’t remember what they said 10 seconds ago? A crazy one that’s who. She’s a bag of septic crap.
Puddles turned back around and squared up with her.
“Did you know everyone calls you McGruff?” Puddles inquired to Ms. Antagonistic.
“McGruff, what’s that supposed to mean? Are you calling me a dog?” she rambled.
“Well yeah, if the collar fits and just in case it doesn’t get a new one, the flea repellent kind because your type of drama litters this place like little pesky insects of the worse kind. Your breath makes me itch.” Puddles snapped.
“McGruff” stood there in awe. She seemed to not understand what just happened. As usual, she stood there blinking those antler eyelashes of hers, breathing heavily, gnawing on her fingernails and having a personal fit, turned pity party, turned days off soothing her sorrows with a keg of Thunderbird.
The other teammates hated her, they hated her antagonistic ways, hated interacting with her, and hated seeing her come in their directions wobbling in her Wal-Mart Wedged Flip Flops. As much so, they also hated to see her downward drunken spiral but the days she took off after office spats were a huge relief for the entire office and its much calmer around the water cooler.
If you have teammates like “McGruff” and “Puddles”, do share your story with me via email to email@example.com and also check out Linden Avenue available on Amazon.