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Around the Water Cooler; That One Person

By November 20, 2013February 27th, 2020Short Stories

Around the Water Cooler; That One Person

It’s Hump Day for my USA Friends and by now, “That One Person” has done what they do best.
If you’re confused as to what “That One Person” means, stay tuned.
“That One Person” comes in every denomination, race, creed, weight limited, and level of “that”. That one person is THE person who messes up everything, annoys everyone, always making THAT mistake, and causing THAT problem. That one person is wild about the eyes, aloof, confrontational, combative, but most of all, they are ineffective.
Since I’ve had a host of jobs in a variety of different settings, “That One Person” typically makes themselves known almost immediately.

Let’s meet the crew:

  • Mr. and Mrs. Last Word: This rabid hound right here gets on my last damn nerve. You’ve met them, Mr. and Mrs. Last Word. You can’t have a decent conversation, give constructive criticism, or have a sip of water without these annoying critters uttering something, saying something, and finishing off the conversation with their butt smelling hot air. Typically, these kinds are quite combative and everyone avoids them like strep throat. Uggh, I can’t dodge these types enough because their voices scrape the air like a nail to a chalkboard.
  • Ms. Crybaby: Can you properly explain to me why in the hell you crying at work? Of course you can’t because you can’t stop crying long enough to get any words out. As long as you have employment (and even not) why are you shedding tears on company time? What damn part of the job description is that. Building a bridge to the nearest pharmacy and get a ProZac/Xanax cocktail because this stream of daily tears is just annoying. SHUT UP and catch the stream of drool as well. Barf.
  • Ms. Suggestions: (insert the biggest eye roll here) Dear Ma’am, We don’t want to hear it and we don’t care either so please STFU. OMG, I’ve worked around this type one too many times. I’ve had employees like this and they just drive me insane. Each and every time they see me (or any manager) Um, Reginia, can I just suggest that blah blah blah. No, Ms. Suggestion, STFU. Here’s my suggestion, read your job description, highlight the part that says give me a suggestion every five minutes, then get back with me. Umm K. K (wait for it).
  • Ms. Fund Raiser. Ma’am, we understand that your little ones comprise two major league teams, but please understand that we don’t want any more tins of cookies, chocolates, magazines, coupons, Tupperware, Home Interiors, or Avon. Do not, and I repeat, do not speak to me unless you have some Girl Scout Cookies, until then put that sign up sheet and your multi-colored pen away.

Tell me about “that one person” at your job.

For more about me and the water cooler, click here,

Around the Water Cooler is the hilarious series by Reginia Cordell that illustrates dysfunction within the workplace and the oddities of colleagues in their shared space, the water cooler.

Tags: “Avon” “Tupperware” “School Fundraisers” “Girl Scout Cookies” “employment issues” “employee gossip” “HR Issues” 

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