Around the Water Cooler; Workplace Delusions
This post is brought to you by 9-5 water coolers, because without them, work life would be a desert, let’s get into the workplace delusions.
For the life of me, I don’t understand why people choose to unleash their crazy within the workplace. These delusional fools just come in and let have. I mean we, mainly I, hear stories ranging from the amount of prescription medicines that they should be taking to those who pretend that they are an entire decade younger than they are. The only way for me to not end up like them is to share with you guys. I mean, these water cooler posts are a hit because y’all love other people’s crazy.
Let’s meet Corine.
Corine is an old geezer. She’s the geezer deezer of the workplace. There’s no other way to describe her other than geezer. She’s socially awkward, greasy, wears inappropriate clothing, and annoying to boot. Every work place has a Corine. She was in Baltimore, DC area, Atlanta, Little Rock, online, and even Abu Dhabi; same person, different city, and in your town too. Let me tell you about my one Corine. Chile, everyone hates to see her coming. She has the strange wobble, trot with booty bouncing for days. Imagine the girls from Magic City in 30 years, that’s Corine. Her appearance is chat worthy because she’s toots her fashion horn louder than a navy ship setting sail. What gets my goat about Corine is her level of obnoxious. She’s loud and wrong, all the time. She’s always spouting what her friend said, and at my friend’s company, yadda, yadda, yadda.
First of all Corine, you don’t have any friends besides the ones that live in the computer. Secondly, let’s draw back in to “YOUR” reality which is this workplace and let’s make some magic happen. Of course she can’t see why this is importat because she’s the Queen of Obnoxious and the Master of Annoying. Now you know with all that I’ve shared about Corine; she’s a “know-it-all”. Everything she thinks, dreams, touches, and experiences is on the other side of left. Her every other utter is a correction to what someone said.
“Well, actually, if the sky is blue, it’s really azul, a product of blue so it’s not really blue, sorry”, said the Obnoxious Old Hag.
I know there’s a Corine in your workplace, spill it.
Meet Decade Dalia
Dalia is the head of the pack of workplace delusions. She’s misguided and stuck in her heyday. In order to seem a bit closer to her time of gleam, she subtracts ten years from each breath that she takes. Her tales are wild and the utmost of delusional. The Delia that I know is over a half a century old and pretends to be late 20s or early 30s depending the medication that she may or may have taken that day. She carries on about all of the latest fashions in Forever 21 (F21). You can see her sporting spandex with mesh tops and exposed bellies (because there’s more than one). The nails and toes scream come hither me and you know she’s not without spider lashes.
On another fashion note, Dalia once said that she wouldn’t dare wear the hip jelly sandals. “Oh no, I wouldn’t ever wear those. Those shoes, my mother said are low class”. Mind you, she’s saying this as she’s digging through the half off bin on the hunt for ranch flavored pork skins.
So ma’am, what you’re telling me is that you don’t wear jelly sandals but ranch flavored pork skins are a hit. Um ma’am. Have several, OK; and before noon.
Dalia wouldn’t be quite as annoying if she kept that package all to herself and tucked into her world of discos, Terry Pendergrass, and auburned colored fluffy hair. But that’s too much like right and a fight with normal. Dalia flirts with tragedy. Each weekend, there’s a different prose littered with heartbreak, the best sex ever, and a quest to find her youth in some young thunder’s underpants. It’s comical, emotional, and a scene from a F-rated Lifetime Movie. One of the most noted things about Dalia, is she gets younger after every heartbreak and swoons us with the best cheese-dip once each boo kicks her to the curb. Within our pod, we are well fed and healthy but new dishes come in weekly.
Oh Delusional Dalia, we love you hun, but please hop in the time machine and press foward into 2014. Trade in F21 for Macy’s Woman, and do continue to bless us with your Mom’s Mabley treats because we all know y’all are first cousins.