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Aw Hell, Shut Up Puddles

By May 16, 2014March 20th, 2020Short Stories

Have you ever told someone something and regretted it.

Yes, me too, and I want them to shut the entire hell up about it.

I told Puddles and shouldn’t have. I thought she was, you know, regular. I thought she was rational, cool, level-headed, and empathic. It didn’t matter that Puddles appeared to be a bag lady, it didn’t matter that she wore Posner make-up, or thought that Ramen Noodles were thrifty, yet classy; Puddles seemed normal, like regular.

But no, Puddles is like them, she’s like the rest of them, crazy as fuck. Not medicine crazy, but “I need to get a life crazy”. That’s it, Puddles needs to get a damn life. Outside of her meddling and peddling that is. She needs a life outside of selling Thirty-one bags and tupperware. That shit makes her crazy, like batty, like 10 cats and a vibrator crazy. Puddles “gots her a man” though. He’s special, oh very special. And chauvinistic. But he digs Puddles in a sexual way; yet Puddles is still crazy, I mean different. I mean, like mamsy-pamsy. She’s so mothering.

Blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda

I want Puddles to shut the entire hell up.

I mean, this person, Puddles, can beat a dead horse to the heavens.

What exactly does she get out of rehashing an event for the rest of eternity?

Oh yeah, she’s mothering, and that’s what mothers do. They’re like calendars; verbal calendars that remind you of things on the second, each damn second of the ticking of time.

Shut up.

Wait, I’m not telling my mother to shut up, I couldn’t do that out loud, I’m telling Puddles to shut up via this blog.

Shut up Puddles.

Dirty Laundry _ Charles L _ Poised in Print

She enjoys displaying your dirty laundry then playing “mom” to patch things up.

What type of personality disorder does this fall under?

I’m telling you, I meet the world’s crazies freaks. They’re drawn to me like a moth to a flame, like flies to shit, like the working-poor to Golden Coral’s Weekend Buffet.

They just come, and I entertain them. Then I get mad, and hate them. Passive-aggressive sets in, I ignore them, shade them to a slow death, and a new one appears.

But right now, I want Puddles to shut the entire hell up. I mean zip it, close it, and tangle the tongue.

Oh dear, Puddles…

please

Shut up

Shut the hell up.

Aw hell

 

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